I think how we perceive ourselves and how we come across are two drastically different things.
I don’t think I exude self confidence and yet I am constantly told I do. Inside though, I feel like an awkward mess.
I’m clumsy, I ramble and I don’t think I’ll ever ooze ‘cool’. Sometimes I’m happy about that…and perhaps its my acceptance and comfort in my lack of coolness that translates into confidence.
Other times though, I feel I try to emulate what I think it is to be cool and in those moments I inwardly cringe. An example would be strutting down the street in what I think is a rather fashionable outfit and feeling somewhat smug, only for reality to remind me that I’m not the ‘catwalk’ type by either tripping me up (this happens a lot) or seeing either a pre-teen or an elderly citizen donning the same clothing.
The thing is, I’m worried we associate confidence with things like loudness and aggression. Meanwhile I’m sat in the corner being quietly confident? I have no desire to be a bossy b*tch and don’t believe I need to be in order to succeed.
I’m also not sure how I feel about the fetishism associated with quirks. Somewhere along the way we were sold the notion that it’s ‘cool’ to be the awkward girl, that our quirks are endearing and our clumsiness is ‘cute’ (see Zooey Deschanel, Jennifer Lawrence etc). Granted we’ve come a long way from the days in which the geeky girl needs a makeover in order to be accepted…
But have we now not just simply created particular parameters for what it is to be cute and geeky; for what it is to be cool?
And do we define coolness as confidence?
I have gotten to the stage where I don’t think I believe in words like ‘cool’ or ‘hipster’ or ‘trendy’ any more.
I think confidence is comfort.
Being comfortable in your own skin allows others to feel comfortable around you. You don’t have to be loud, you don’t have to be quirky and you don’t have to be eccentric. You are simply just you. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
So if there was one thing I could encourage us all to do it would be to stop second guessing ourselves.
As cheesy as this may sound, I recently realised (with the help of a very good friend and a beautiful soul) that I am enough. We all are. We don’t have to try to be anything other than ourselves. What you if have to offer is good enough.
And while this post may seem rather corny, I honestly can’t stress how important it is to believe in yourself.