I have always said that I believe insecurity is at the root of most conflicts between humans…doubt in oneself may mean you feel the need to prove yourself; not only for the approval of others but ultimately also for your own approval, although most may in fact be unaware of this.
People who tend to favour conflict and who may come across as confrontational in their mannerisms or speech may actually believe themselves to be very secure. They may even reiterate this and proclaim vast levels of confidence. They may even border on arrogant. I believe these people to be either consciously or subconsciously extremely insecure.
While their arrogance has perhaps provided them with a cloak for their insecurity, it has also created an unwarranted air of self importance for the individual. This further fuels their subconscious (or conscious) desire for confrontation or conflict as they perhaps not only believe themselves to be superior to others (again, either consciously or subconsciously) and thus their needs are far greater and take priority, but it may also mean that they tend to amplify even the slightest of inconveniences they face as a method of validation of their self importance i.e. “I have the weight of the world on my shoulders because I am the most important person in the world…only a person of such high esteem or authority would be faced with such troubles”. This, I believe is a paradoxical combination of both narcissism and self hatred. The individual believes themselves to be facing far greater problems than they actually are and consequently works themselves into a heightened level of stress so that conflict becomes inevitable, thereby absolving themselves of any guilt or wrongdoing on their behalf i.e. “Of course I am entitled to be aggravated, I am dealing with a stressful inconvenience which no one can solve other than me because I am the only qualified individual to do so”.
I feel the greatest issue of contention that I have with such individuals is that they fail to see past their own lives and problems. In the greater scheme of things, they fail to realise how insignificant these inconveniences are that they face. They tend to be pessimistic individuals who would rather moan about all the problems they face rather than appreciating the privileges they are blessed with. This can be seen by others as being ungrateful. However, it may not be that simple. It may be that due to their own subconscious form of self hatred, they believe they are undeserving of blessings or ‘good things’ and thus overlook or fail to recognize what they already have.
I used to think there were 2 kinds of people in this world; positive people (glass half full) and negative people (glass half empty). I don’t think I agree with that characterisation anymore. In reality, it is not that simple. You cannot label someone as negative without fully understanding the reason/s behind their behaviour, and in my opinion, 90% of ‘negative’ behaviour within individuals is due to some form of insecurity.
Finally, I would like to emphasise that the above analysis is based purely on my own experiences and is merely my opinion. I hope I have not offended anyone with these theories and please feel free to offer your own opinions and comments.
Thanks for reading!