Between love and love…and love?

Two of the best films that I watched in the cinema last year were Lawless (Tom Hardy’s presence may or may not have affected my judgement haha, no but honestly brilliant film in my opinion, and Savages. This blog is about the latter film.

I think the thing that most struck people about the movie Savages was the dynamic set up of the relationship between the 3 protagonists; Chon (Taylor Kitsch), O (Blake Lively) and Ben (Aaron Johnson). Chon and Ben are best friends and they share O as a girlfriend. I’ll admit, at first, even I was sceptical of the believability of such a romantic arrangement, but perhaps my scepticism lay in the fact that I was particularly a fan of the choice of casting of Blake Lively. Anywhoo, as the film progressed I actually came to see that their relationship was actually quite beautiful in that they all loved each other equally and had a very intense and passionate relationship. And so I ask you this…why don’t such relationships exist in our society?

One of my favourite lyrics is “I believe that marriage isn’t between man and woman but between love and love” by Frank Ocean in his song ‘We All Try’. Frank publically came out as homosexual last year by releasing a letter he had written and I have previously blogged about the strength and beauty of that letter. How does this relate to Savages you ask? Well, what I’d like to know is who’s to say that love should be confined to norms?Why must only ‘traditional’ relationships exist and surely as we evolve and progress as humans, should we not adapt and more importantly, ACCEPT others and their relationships? For example, homosexuals and their choice to start a family and what a wonderful thing that is (in my opinion). Some of you may disagree, personally I’m incredibly open minded when it comes to most things and I whole heartedly believe in love and the joy it can provide, despite your sexuality. I’ve recently started watching a new TV show called ‘The New Normal’ and I completely advocate it’s message. But that’s a topic for another day as I seem to have got side tracked here.

Essentially, what I’m trying to say, or to ask, is would you be comfortable being in a relationship with more than one person as long as the other person knew about it and were comfortable with it? And if not, why? Why is it that we feel possessive over our partners? Is it a case of ‘I chose you so now you are mine and mine alone’? Surely if we removed the betrayal aspect of being with more than one person, would we not be more accepting of it?Please don’t misunderstand this blog, this is not an attack against monogamy, it is simply a query into whether, as a society, we do feel we have freedom of choice? If you turned up at a social gathering or even a work do and said to your boss “meet my boyfriends alex and sam” would you feel you were being judged for having that lifestyle choice? Perhaps it’s not so much that we don’t have the opportunity to have such relationships then, perhaps it’s more that we care too much what people think and would fear being ridiculed?

Finally, something to consider is whether men or women would be more comfortable with this type of arrangement?Who out of the two genders is the more possessive? In the movie, the two best friends did make the odd snide comments to one another when they knew the other had been fornicating with ‘O’, but they seemed to be simply in jest. Would women be as comfortable sharing one man? You could argue as the more insecure of the two genders perhaps not, perhaps their jealousy would take over and they wouldn’t able to appreciate the relationship for what it was; an expression of love between 3 individuals.

I think something else that inspired this blog, wasn’t just me recalling the movie Savages, it wasn’t just me watching ‘The New Normal’ but it was also the fact that I’ve been filling in a lot of job applications recently. Now there is always an ‘Equal Opportunities’ section which asks you about your ethnic origin, religion, whether you have a disability and your sexual orientation. Other than the disability question, I’m not really quite sure whether I understand the purpose of this section. Surely my sexual orientation, ethnicity and religion should have no impact whatsoever on my ability to do the job? So why do they ask? I mean isn’t the fact that they’re asking contradictory of the fact that whatever I choose should be seen as ‘equal’? Perhaps I’m just being pedantic now but whereas at first it was simply something I was accustomed to filling in, after about the first 5 I started to question it’s actual importance? Perhaps I should just start filling in all the fields as ‘prefer not to specify’, although will they then question my choice in that?Hmm..I do overthink things don’t I haha.

Right, I’ll end it there, please feel free to comment and let me know your opinions 🙂

Thanks for reading and oh, go watch Savages! If you like your gang/drug crime thrillers then this one’s for you! Also, Aaron Johnson’s pretty easy on the eyes lol

5 replies on “Between love and love…and love?”

I loved reading this. I like the way you think. And even more I love the way you express your thoughts. I’ve been in this situation before, but more on a sexual note. I was in a relationship and asked if I would be ok with a threesome. I replied “no”. That is because I am far too selfish to share my partner in any way. So i’m guessing i’m even more selfish outside of the sexual sense. I see it as “i’ll be the only one providing intimacy for that person. Both sexually and non-sexually.

Is your question in regards to ‘open relationships’ on the sexual side? Or emotional?

The idea of a three-way relationship in which all three lovers love each other equally is unrealistic, remember movies like to blur the lines of reality, and taste new concepts.
In this case, it’s an interesting ideology, but we are humans, not scripted characters, and selfishness is a strong human characteristic, our jealousy in the end would get the better of us.
Why? Not because it’s a matter of claimed territory, no one ‘belongs’ to anyone, love is not a slave trade. (And my poetic endeavours are beginning to surface lol)
But because when you TRULY love someone, the thought of yourself with someone else is simply non-existent. A heart cannot love more than one person at the same time, on a romantic level. It’s like asking yourself to be in two places at once. A heart struggles as it is to stay in ONE place and love ONE person on a romantic level (trust issues, fear, insecurity.etc). Two would cause the heart to malfunction, you’d lose sense of where love is.
You give yourself to one person, because you they are enough for you, they are more than enough.

And in return, the though of them loving someone else would eat you alive, to a degree where they’d be nothing left of you on the plate, not even bones.
This is where our selfishness feeds in.
You wouldn’t be able to cope with them loving another person, because you’d know they cannot truly love two people equally, and therefore the questions of who they love more would haunt you and eventually you’d either make them choose, or leave.
A three-way love triangle is split between selfishness, selflessness and an absurd contradiction.

Selfishness – Every fibre in your being will ache for them to love YOU, just you. You want to be enough for them, and more. You will question your worth as a person, to why are you not enough for them? As they are for you.

Selflessness – Despite the above, their happiness means more to you than yours, so if that happiness is with someone else, you’d be willing to walk away to allow them it. Because the hurt and jealousy would be too much.

An Absurd Contradiction – We are willing to kill ourselves in one way for love, but not the other. (Metaphorically speaking of course)
We’re willing to walk away though it may destroy us.
But we are not willing to stay and watch them love someone else, though it destroys us.
Why are we willing to hurt ourselves for love in one way and not the other?

So to the conclude the emotional aspect of a three-way relationship. No, it just wouldn’t and shouldn’t happen. It’s not love if it’s not enough. God have us one heart, not two, but one. Every wonder why?

The sexual segment of a three-way relationship? Sex is what happens, after we exchange ourselves to each other, spiritually. Then we do so physically.
Well that’s my opinion. Sex and Love go hand in hand and therefore the emotional aspect of a three-way relationship should reflect the sexual. Same thing. To me they do.

HOWEVER, If both parties agree, and simply want to be adventurous, or perhaps use it to enhance their sexual abilities and discover more about what they like what they don’t like, then three-some’s, orgy’s are possible. I’m not entirely opposed to it. And in three-some’s both people in the relationship are involved. Not a matter of one sleeping with someone else, alone, not including the other. This I oppose.

Homosexuality hasn’t prevented people from being who they are in the face of social judgement, so if people really wanted to have more than one partner, I’m pretty sure social judgement wouldn’t prevent them.

I don’t believe that women have more emotions than men.etc I think men are better at hiding their hormones than we are, and they react differently to them. So out of the two gender’s, when they both really love each other, they’re both be as equally possessive.

And as for the ‘equal opportunities’ part on application form… FINALLY! SOMEONE SAID IT!! THANK YOU!! I’ve always wondered the same damn thing! Like if they are into equal opportunity, why do they even feel the need to ask? By asking, their differentiating people. And that alone, is a form of prejudice. It’s demographic segmentation, and it’s dividing society. We should all be equal enough that they don’t feel the need to ask, because it shouldn’t be an issue.

Well, that’s all I have to say. Sorry for the extensive reply! Very interesting article, I like the way you think. It’s pretty awesome you have the balls to question and present these idea’s.

ahh thanks! glad you enjoyed! I could most definitely talk more on the subject as it is one that interests me greatly,perhaps you could tell me specifically what you’d like me to elaborate on though or would you maybe like me to write a follow up post?

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