Well it’s true isn’t it. I mean life in itself is a journey of self discovery and where better to start than with some self exploration. I think what it really comes down to, what life is really all about, is being happy within yourself. Yes there’s money and relationships and ambitions but where it really all starts, is with you. And if you don’t know who you are as a person, as in truly know and are comfortable with, well then everything else is just going to be a little bit difficult.
I’ll be honest, it took a while to get here. I don’t think I really knew myself till about the age of 22/23. It’s like things all came together, I got a great job, met great people and got a flat in an awesome area. I was just happy, utterly happy. And then of course I met a guy. Well I was 24 at this point. And after a period of having been single for almost 2 years and just really enjoying my own company, it was a bit of a shock really to meet someone who wanted to spend so much time with me. I’ll be honest, I was weary. I didn’t take it seriously. And to be honest there’s very little in life in fact that I do take seriously but after seeing how compassionate this particular gentleman was, well I went weak in the knees. I felt like we were two peas in a pod. Oh I should also mention I’m usually pretty cynical when it comes to romance so what I’m saying here, is very much out of the ordinary. But alas, it did not work out. And so I went back to the path of self discovery, it’s an ongoing progress you see. With every new experience you face, you learn something new about yourself, whether it be a challenge, a success, a hardship..you learn from it. Don’t get me wrong, life’s certainly not about spending it alone. Surround yourself with like minded individuals and also with those who you differ from, those who stimulate you. But don’t become too accustomed to a crowd, meet new people of all different types and from different walks of life. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet some unforgettable characters.
Let’s start with James. I came across James on a social networking site via several mutual friends. And we spoke. And he stimulated me mentally to a degree I had not encountered before. But he was also incredibly self assured and confident, in fact it bordered on arrogance at times. Now whether some of that confidence rubbed off on me or whether I was just pleased to have met someone whom I could converse with on a variety of topics, I don’t know. What I do know is that I feel incredibly lucky to have met him. He’s one of those rare individuals whom you can always trust to keep you grounded.
Then there’s Joey. Joey is not so much someone I could say I had a lot in common with. In fact he annoyed the hell out of me. He was a work colleague you see, but he was unlike any other human being I had ever met before. I couldn’t even say what joey was was eccentric because eccentric I can do, hell I even relish it. Joey was just different in every sense of the word. I sometimes wonder whether he was either a genius or just slightly retarded. A regular Kaiser Soze. But joey was definitely gay. Oh he tried to keep us guessing with his casual announcements in the office of catching sexually transmitted infections from his various “girlfriends” but Joey wasn’t fooling anybody.
Alesha was a rare find. Never had I met another female who spoke so candidly about her sexual desires. It excited me. I’d never been one to shy away from expressing what I was feeling you see, and when it came matters of a sexual nature, well I just never saw the need for restrictions or rules. Don’t get me wrong everyone should have a safe word, mine’s Guggenheim. And apart from an old female friend, Alesha was the only other woman I’d met who had no inhibitions. I guess again it comes back to being comfortable in yourself. The ability to express exactly what you like and want and not care what others may think of it, well as I said, she’s a rare find.
Perhaps it’s simply about knowing what you want out of life but it’s also the not knowing that I find exhilarating. The walking down unknown paths and not knowing whom you might meet or where you’ll end up but just being sure enough in yourself to know you have the power to deal with whatever may come your way.
Let’s end with Agnes. Agnes rejuvenated my soul. She restored my faith. I had met a kindred spirit. Someone as adventurous as myself, who wanted to live life to the fullest and not miss out on rare opportunities. Someone who shared my rather unusual, if at times, dark sense of humour. Someone whom I considered beautiful on so many levels and whom I could trust completely. I’ll admit I was surprised as she was a few years younger than myself, but mentally, Agnes was mature beyond her years. She had this amazing drive which was mesmerising.
So let’s go back to where it all it started, that first touch. The first time you gasp when you reach that spot, the point where you get to exactly where you want to be and you indulge in all the pleasures it has to offer. That my dears, is living and I recommend you do it as often as possible.